Why does rest feel uncomfortable for people who are used to constantly being on the go?
A theme that often comes up in my coaching is the inability to do nothing, to not have plans, to spend a day at home resting. People recognise that rest and unplanned time is something they need, but when it comes down to actually doing it (or not doing anything), they feel restless, lazy, discomfort arising, uncomfortable or unproductive. It’s like there’s two voices in their head - the first one tells them to rest & the second one sabotages rest - or two sides to their body - the first one is tired and screams for rest & the second one is wired up and wants to keep going.
For high achieving individuals who have spent years being goal oriented, living according to a strict plan, working, hustling and doing, rest or unplanned time can feel unfamiliar. Their bodies are used to being on the go, it’s what’s familiar and feels safe. So when they begin to slow down the body goes into a state of shock and feelings of being unsafe may arise (this often shows up as anxiety, restlessness, voices in their head telling them to do something, discomfort etc. and the reaction is often to go with it and not stop). This is an ego safety mechanism - the ego wants us to be safe, loved and accepted and often this constant doing is a way to achieve this - consciously or unconsciously the thought process is something along the lines of ‘if I perform, do and achieve, I will be loved and won’t be abandoned‘. This thought process often comes from childhood and is a model they’ve lived by their whole life.
What happens in the body when we’re constantly on the go? We live in a state of hyper-vigilance where the body is running on high levels of cortisol and adrenaline for days, months or years (often way longer than what’s healthy, we’re running on reserves). The nervous system is wired up and our stress response is constantly firing. In the long run this results in a variety of different health issues such as sleep problems, chronic disease due to lowered immunity, digestive issues, weight loss or gain, migraines, ongoing anxiety or depression, decreased attention span, high reactivity, hormone imbalance, memory loss (more about this in my article about stress here) etc.
Slowing down for a person who’s always doing can be compared to a sugar addict quitting sugar - there will be withdrawal symptoms.
We can learn to slow down and tolerate rest by… you guessed it, slowing down!
So how can we begin to slow down? By slowing down. By accepting that withdrawal symptoms are part of the process. Instead of going with the ego and continuing the loop of doing, doing, doing, I recommend staying strong and feeling the feelings that arise when we slow down. The feelings of unworthiness, laziness, being unproductive, grief, anger are just feelings. By actually sitting with these, feeling and processing them through crying, screaming, meditation, movement etc. the voices in our head that tell us not to slow down will quiet down over time. This is a process of reprogramming our body and mind to tolerate rest and stillness and a process of healing the body from the extended periods of chronic stress - and it takes time!
