3 tips for overcoming decision making paralysis
A theme that consistently comes up in my coaching is what I call ’decision making paralysis’. Especially with big decisions in life like jobs, country moves, partners etc. people find it difficult to know what they want to do or fear making the wrong decision. This results in a lot of back and forth ‘should I, should I not‘, energy spent on this in-between stage and consulting friends and family, rather than trusting our own inner knowing and being confident in ourselves.
Firstly I want to say that no wonder!!! From when we’re young we’re taught to adhere to social behavioral rules and expectations and are essentially programmed to look outward to other people for guidance (parents, friends, doctors, teachers, experts, managers etc.). This conditioning teaches us that other people know better than we do. Another thing that surely influences this is that so much information is available through social media, news, TV etc. with different experts and studies telling us how to live, eat, sleep, work etc.
So the trust we have in ourselves and inner voice decreases and decision making becomes difficult. This can be compared to working in a team of 20 people without a leader where every person needs to be consulted for decisions… nightmare.
The thing is tho… What works on 100,000 people in a study, might not work for you. What makes your friend happy, might not make you happy (and friends often project their own experiences and fears onto us, rather than looking objectively at our situation). That doctor or friend also don’t have to live with the consequenses of the decisions you make, however good the intentions behind the guidance.
Who knows best what’s best for you? You. That inner voice that constantly guides you and knows exactly what you need to do. And with practice it gets stronger & your trust in it too.
Here’s 3 tips for building up that trust with self again to make decision making easier:
1. Nervous system regulation & grounding to get out of the wired up state that constantly scans the environment for information - out of the mind & back to the body
One main reason for our outward focus and distrust in self comes from an unregulated nervous system. I’d therefore recommend consciously spending time regulating the nervous system through meditation, shakti mat, nature, dancing, energy healing, breathwork, swimming, sauna, massage, acupuncture etc. and cutting back on activities that wire it up such as social media, news, podcasts, articles, stimulants like coffee, emails etc. I would recommend incorporating nervous system regulation to everyone’s daily routines kind of like brushing our teeth or taking showers.
2. Cut back on stimulus & create empty space in your day so that you can actually hear the inner guidance
Intentionally have time in your days and weeks without any plans and start to tune in what you feel like doing. This could be an evening or weekend without any plans.
3. Begin to observe how a ’yes’ and a ’no’ feels in your body with the small things & practice making decisions based on this
For me ‘yes‘ feels exciting, it lights me up, makes me relaxed and happy. My yes’es are loud and clear. My no’s are more subtle, more like ‘maybe not‘. How these feel vary from person to person, so learning how these individually feel for you is important.
With regards to practicing with small things, these could for example be: do I want water or tea, what food am I in the mood for, what exercise do I want to do etc.
When we notice that this works with the small things the mind slowly learns that it’s safe to trust the body and self & big decisions become easier.
If you’d like support with overcoming your decision making paralysis I offer coaching sessions where we can dive deeper into your root causes, how yes’es and no’s feel for you and explore different tools and techniques and accountability practices to change this behavioral pattern for you. Book a session here or find out more about coaching here.
